A Wedding Toast for Pood and Naynay

Readers of this column have followed the adventures of my younger son Vince and his longtime girlfriend Shannon for many years now. They met in middle school, became an item in high school, and now, in their mid-thirties, have married. There have been many colorful stories along the way. The first appeared in this space in 2012, when I wrote about an eventful evening during their college years. Overnight Parenting Adventure: Spring Break Megachallenge finds the young lovers, here called “El Capitan” and “Blondie,” navigating a rough patch. Vince’s brother appears as “Donald Trump” (this was well before the man had destroyed our democracy and collective sanity) and little sister Jane, somewhat inexplicably, as “Nipsy.” If you have time, it is pretty effin’ funny. 

Fast forward to 2017; they’re well into their long stretch as a long-distance couple, Vince living in Brooklyn and Shannon in Baltimore. Here’s the beginning of Surprise Party Surprise.

For Vince’s 27^th birthday, his longtime girlfriend Shannon decided to throw a surprise party. Shannon is a gorgeous blonde and a smart cookie too, but her real superpower is worrying. She can worry ordinary people under the table. As you might imagine, planning a surprise party gave her some material. Whom to invite, and how many, and is this everyone? Can they all keep a secret? Might Vince find out some other way? Let’s say it comes off — does he even want a surprise party? Vince can be a crank. As one of his friends recently pointed out, Shannon is “the only person Vince is actually nice to.” Where to have it, what to serve, how much is all this going to cost?

Shannon worried lavishly about all of these things and many others. But the thing that went wrong was something that never even crossed her mind.

You can read on to find out just how this turned out, then move on to the truly unbelievable sequel: Another Airbnb Disaster.

The themes of the preceding two stories are of particular interest in light of the fact that Shannon and I just spent the last two years planning a much, much bigger party than Vince’s 27th birthday. And a more successful one, thank heaven. It was held at a beautiful place in South Austin called The Vineyard at Chappel Lodge. The ceremony was held under a gorgeous oak tree (the bride had always dreamed of being married under an oak tree) and performed by our dear family friend, Sam Shahin, a New Orleans-based drummer of note. 

There were 140 human guests, the couple’s dog, Cole, and amazingly, an owl who observed the entire thing from a branch overhead. Many felt this might be a representative of the groom’s father, the late Tony Winik. Maybe so. In any case, Tony was also represented by an old friend from New York, who covered drinks for the entire assemblage at the night-before party at the Embassy Suites. (Today’s modern weddings involve at least a full weekend of events, including afterparties for both the afterparty and the day-after party, and believe me, we toed the line. Sorry ma’am, we’re musicians.)

With the invaluable help of a childhood schoolmate of the boys’, Camille Ross, now Austin’s top wedding planner, all the details went off without a hitch. The food, Mexican and barbecue catered by Valentina’s, was hoovered down to the last grain of rice. As for me, from getting my hair and makeup done in the gorgeous bridal suite to dancing with my son to Blink-182’s “Anthem” and getting the guests up to mosh with us, to whatever happened at the afterparty at the Armadillo Den which I’m sure was great (I was there, sort of) — I loved every second.

One of the things I worried about in advance was my appearance, as those of you who have been following the Ozempic saga know. You even know I had to get my dress altered to fit my slimmer figure. And, ta da, here it is. Thank you, Medical Cosmetic Enhancements. I felt enhanced.

Another thing on my mind in the days before the event was my welcome speech/wedding toast. Shannon and Vince felt strongly that they did not want a long series of speeches and toasts. For one thing, the members of Shannon’s family are pretty shy. No way they were talking. As for everyone else, well, you never know what crazy crap your drunken guests are going to start spewing if they get their hands on a microphone and a champagne flute. I’m still traumatized by having heard a Pennsylvania brother-of-the-groom describe his newly married sibling’s early toilet training issues. I have also witnessed very ill-advised and detailed accounts of the bride and/or groom’s love lives prior to finding The One. “Trying to be funny” … not always a sound approach.

And so it was that I became designated as the only speaker. Between that and the fact I’m, like, a published author and everything, I felt expectations would run pretty high. Super-nervous, I tried out a few test versions that seemed to suck. And then I had the idea to turn to a less-widely-publicized interest of mine, songwriting. Here’s how it went, with more pictures, most taken by Scott Van Osdol, our dear friend since the 1980s. Tony was the best man at his wedding.

Hi, I’m Marion Winik, mother of the groom, and I’m honored to represent the Winik and McKenna families in welcoming you to the celebration of the marriage of our dear Vincent Valdric and Shannon Marie. I speak for all of us in thanking you so much for making your way to this beautiful spot to be part of this magical day so many years in the making.

I also speak for some who are not here, including many loving grandparents and most especially, Vince’s father Tony. He is represented here today by his mom, Grace, and brother Sam, and I hope all of you who knew him will hold him in your hearts and channel his blessings for the kids. He may also want to give you his drink order.

As some of you know, Vince was born just a few miles from this spot in a blue bungalow in the Brykerwoods neighborhood. Literally, born in the house. When we moved from there to a mansion in a cornfield in Southern York County, Pennsylvania when he was nine, we confronted some very different customs. Instead of bikes, the kids drove four-wheelers! Their hard boiled eggs were bright pink! Surprisingly they celebrated Mardi Gras, but not with parades, or beads, or cocktails–no, they eat doughnuts! Big yellow potato doughnuts! And most importantly for our purposes today, most of them seemed to be married to their childhood sweethearts. We got a couple of those right here. Give it up for Donna and Ed! This amazed me. Is it something in the water? Turns out, maybe so, as anyone who has seen the early photos of Shannon and Vince as floppy-haired little kids on their website. 

Their official relationship, as I understand it, began in junior year at Susquehannock High School, and since then has survived and thrived over seventeen years, five colleges, six states, four bands, seven or eight social media platforms, and one global pandemic, which was responsible for cancelling the 2020 world tour of The Killers and thus foiling Vince’s original plan to propose to Shannon in Sweden that year. (He was working for them as a guitar tech back then.)

So… Vince bided his time. And two years later, when The Killers finally made it to Stockholm, Shannon got quite a surprise at the famous Maribergets lookout, where Vince dropped to one knee, pulled out a ring and asked her to marry him. 

At that point, we were 15 years in so why rush things? Two years of wedding planning ensued and that bring us finally to this blessed day, in our beloved town of Austin which Vince and Shannon have chosen as their home.

Though wedding speeches often contain some advice about marriage, or wisdom about what makes a relationship work over time, obviously Vince and Shannon have a better grasp on that than me or most of the rest of us. And though I’m glad they decided to make it official, we are already family. Shannon has been a daughter to me as long as I have known her. I am so proud of her and all her accomplishments. I’m still bragging about when she won the prize for best designer in her class in grad school at the University of Baltimore. I know Donna and Ed feel the same about Vince. 

So now, I will perform a sacred ritual to welcome Shannon to our family. It is required of every Winik, human or canine, that he or she have a theme song. We can sing them all later, if you like, but for now, here’s Vince’s.

My name is Vincie la Voo and I am here to poopoo
I am coming to town and I am wearing a crown
I can’t even talk and I’m just learning to walk
but I can boogie woogie woogie til the sun goes down
Vincie la Voo – poo poo
Vincie la Voo – woo woo
Vince la Voo – yoo hoo
Vincelator Vincelator Vincelator Vincie la Voo

And look, this song turned out to be prophetic as Vince grew up to become the original designer and inventor of the poop emoji and has built an entire career on “boogie woogie woogie til the sun goes down.”

And now, for the first time ever, Shannon’s official theme song.

Along comes NayNay, bright as a star
Along comes Nooners, drivin the car
Along comes Naequan, bringin the bar
It’s Shannon – and she’s plannin’
to blow your mind.
Southern York County, born and raised
Pennsylvania, don’t be fazed
Austin, Texas, so amazed
It’s Shannon – and she’s plannin’
to blow your mind.
Soccer princess on the field
Designer diva, signed and sealed
Heart of gold ‑ nerves of glass ‑ will of steel
It’s Shannon – and she’s plannin’
to blow your minds.

Welcome to our family, Shannon, and welcome to our wedding, guests! 
A joyous day Calloo Callay! Here’s to the bride and groom.

Want to congratulate Vince? You’ll find him on tour with Me Nd Adam, right now. For a full listing of venues and tickets, go to mendadam.com.

FRI, MAY 10 Charleston, SC
SAT, MAY 11 Atlanta, GA
WED, MAY 15 Richmond, VA
THU, MAY 16 Baltimore, MD
FRI, MAY 17 New York, NY
SAT, MAY 18 Philadelphia, PA
WED, MAY 22 Hamtramck, Ml
THUR, MAY 23 Chicago, IL
FRI, MAY 24 Minneapolis, MN
SAT, MAY 25 Kansas City, MO
SUN, MAY 26 Oklahoma City, OK
FRI, JUN 28 New Orleans, LA
SAT, JUN 29 Houston, TX
FRI, JUL 12 Dallas, TX
SAT, JUL 13 Austin, TX